My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it was like eating out sand paper
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
