I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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