So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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