if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
