I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
