Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
