are you still at the devil's house?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
