Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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