the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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