you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
