I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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