There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
