3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
