So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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