: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
