Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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