if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
