There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
