Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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