haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
