well I can't set my house on fire every night
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
