i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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