I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
