I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
