Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
