Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
