but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
