Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
