you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
