the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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