Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
