I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
