maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
