Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
