first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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