When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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