sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
