The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
