He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
