Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
