How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
