Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
