I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
