I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
