I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
