So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
