Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
