So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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