That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
