He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm like, not good at living.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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