Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
