I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize