how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
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I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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