i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
