Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
