It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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