i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
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We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
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We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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