I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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