So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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