fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
