Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
two words: eviction party
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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