Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
