she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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