I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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