I will die if light touches me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
