You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
