Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
