Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize